Happy 3rd birthday David James

Dear David,

Happy 3rd birthday son. I remember the day you were born, the first time I saw you...like it was yesterday. My sweet baby boy with all your gorgeous black hair. You looked like Mommy, and like your baby sister Maya looks.

I talk to you all the time in my head, you know that baby boy. There isn't a day that goes by that you aren't on my mind, I carry you in my heart always. I miss you everyday.

I hope today you are up there playing with Alyssa, that your Grandpa's are giving you lots of love and telling you how much your Mommy loves and misses you. Sometimes I don't know how I can go on without you here with me, right now I'm very sad baby. Please be with Mommy today, I need you, I love you.

The First Steps - Walking With You

http://blog.sufficientgraceministries.org/category/walking-with-you/

I went into premature labor with Alyssa at 22 weeks. I was in labor 30 hours, and at the beginning we had hope that labor would stop and I would stay in the hospital for the rest of my pregnancy on bed rest. My water had broke, I developed an infection, and my labor never stopped.

With David I found out when I was 27 weeks along that he had a heart problem. I laid on the ultrasound table and wept as the doctor told us something was wrong. "I told you this would happen, you're diabetic, this is all your fault." were her exact words. I remember telling myself I would never, ever come back to this doctor's office no matter what. The next 9 weeks were the longest of my life. We moved to be near the children's hospital David would be at, we were told that with surgery David would live, but that we still had to see what all was wrong when he was born. We were prepared, and so hopeful.

Update's on us...

It really has been a long time since I've blogged here regularly. I miss that so much. With David's birthday next week, I need to be here. Since it has been so long I feel the need to do an update.

I have been working for over a year now doing telemarketing for a major hotel chain. I love the people I work with, but honestly the job has it's ups and downs. In all I am thankful I am working, I think I needed out of the house and work was the only way it was going to happen.

Me & Chris

Nadine is almost 9 (March 3rd) and in the 3rd grade. She still is my bratty drama queen :) She is so talented in art, and drawing, being creative. She is growing up so fast, and becoming such a young lady. She recently was involved with a group at school called "Girls on the Run" and completed a 5k run! I'm so proud of her.

Nadine - 8 years old

Miss. Maya is now 18 months old. She is healthy, and perfect in every way. She truly is a happy baby, literally every morning wakes up with a smile. She is a little babbling machine, and loves to play with her babies :)

Maya - 18 months

Getting Close

It's getting close to being David's 3rd birthday. I'm emotional, overwhelmed, and anxious. I miss him so much.

I've missed blogging here. Somehow it makes me feel at "home" with David. This was HIS blog, I made this for HIM. How I miss my baby boy.

Going to work on my blog roll, and changing my old blog info to more current. I will be back.

Is anyone out there?

Is there anyone out there? I need to blog, I need to be back here where all my memories are with David. I need to be close to him right now.

I am going to redo my blog, give it a new name, a new beginning in my journey. Is anyone out there?

It's Been Awhile

It's been awhile since I've been here, but I've missed it. I don't know how I got side tracked in life to not blog like I have always loved. I want to start some changes in my life, and I feel the love and support I need can be found through this blog. First let me update you on my family, and then I will tell you about the changes.

Nadine just turned 8! She had her first dance at school, I didn't realize they started in the 2nd grade. It was a great time for her, Daddy, and Maya (I was at work sadly). She is doing great in school and bringing her reading to such a great level that she has been told she will probably get an award for it :)

Maya is 9 months and getting so big! She has 7 teeth, sits up by herself, eats everything in sight, say's DaDa (I'm a lil mad about this lol) and is about to crawl any day. She definetly makes her Mommy smile everyday, I can't believe I am blessed with this little miracle!

So for the changes in my life. I am working now, luckily I work the opposite schedule as my hubby so we don't need a babysitter most of the time. I do have a good friend who watches the girls 2 Saturdays a month while I work, which I am grateful for. Working has done a lot for me mainly just getting me out in the world and socializing more. Plus the money helps ALOT.

I started reading the Purpose Filled Life book, has anyone read it? I really want to devote my life to God, to really change myself and my life to raise these girls the way God wants me to. I need more Christian moms in my life, women who can help guide me and give me encouragement and advice. I hope to share my journey with everyone.

I also am starting to get serious about couponing! It's so much fun to save money, it's like a game finding the best deal!

Over the next few days I will be adding new blog list's to my page, and hopefully finding more inspirational women I can follow.

As always I am missing my babies in Heaven. I had a little melt down yesterday looking at David's pictures in my phone. I miss him and Alyssa so much. I miss that Maya will never know them on Earth.

Miss. Maya

First off, I never wanted to be the mom who had a baby and never posted again, or rarely did. Let me tell you that I plan to do more, but just wanted to share these pictures of Maya first!

Maya Loyal-Marie
6-23-10
9lbs 3oz...now 11 lbs 9oz!

And in the pic of her with the seahorse...that was her big brother David's he held in the NICU ;)

Update's PLEASE READ!

It has been a hard decision, and it has taken awhile to decide. I have contemplated moving to another blog to update more on baby Maya. I feel like this blog was for David, and I want it to stay for David and Alyssa. It doesn't mean I won't blog here anymore, but it most likely won't be as often. My feelings and emotions are more private right now, I am having a hard time thinking about having this baby girl in my arms when my other babies aren't. So for now I am going to update on a more 'family blog' about my family as a whole. The blog is linked to this one in my profile, and I hope everyone understands and follows me there.

I also have mixed feelings about blogging about this pregnancy and having my baby girl, when I know how hard it was for me to read other blogs with new babies. So if you would like me to add you to my blog list on the new blog, PLEASE come over and leave me a comment!

http://dinimaya.blogspot.com

Good news!

Maya's heartbeat leveled out, doc cancelled tests, and we're home!

Pray for Maya

I'm 30 weeks now which in itself is a blessing. I am in OB Triage waiting for an ultrasound...I came in with high blood pressure and thankfully they think it was just a fluke and it's back to normal. Now they aren't happy with Maya's heart rate and are going to check her with ultrasound. Please please pray she is ok, I'm so scared!

Updating from my phone, will update again as I know more...

Home?

It's looking good I will go home today. YAYYYYY! I can't complain about being in the hospital, as much as I wish I was home with my love and my drama queen. When it comes down to it, I much rather we be cautious and be on top of me getting antibiotics than not be. When it comes to this baby's health I am willing to do anything. Now, it does always scare me in the back of my mind if anything at all is wrong that it will affect Maya. She is so perfect though!

Everyday I am put on a monitor for 20 minutes to listen to her heart, and I tell you this kid is VERY active lol. As soon as the monitor is put on, she either wiggles away, or kicks it over and over. We have had to sit here with it on just a lil longer because her kicking is so much that it drowns out her heartbeat. She by far is my most active baby :) And she has a nice strong heartbeat.

This morning I was actually able to get myself outta bed (I had been in so much pain before I barely moved) and into the chair, and set my table and laptop up...all without one moan or groan! I am so thankful to be feeling so much better. Thank you Jesus!

In Hospital...

Ugh I'm so frustrated first off, I logged in (it's been awhile) and my blog list is gone and my background is changed I don't understand :( I will get my blog list back as soon as I find all of you again!

I am currently in the hospital BUT MISS MAYA IS FINE! I have a severe bladder infection, as well as something called gardenerella. Most likely because I am diabetic, and leaves me open to more "women's only" infections. The doc admitted me to get me on IV meds, and just be cautious.

I am in a lot of pain though, and was just able to get the computer set up so I can try and keep my mind off of it all. I was so hoping this would be the pregnancy I would only have to go to the hospital when I was delivering, but that is out the window now. As long as Maya is healthy, I'll do anything.

So please keep us in your prayers. I have been here since yesterday and am hoping to go home tomorrow as long as the antibiotic is working, and I am not in so much pain. I am worried because right now I have a catheter, and worry about when it comes out that the other pain (when i urinate) will come back. Then again I worry about pretty much everything :)

Also a pic from last week! I am now 27 weeks, and I am pretty sure bigger already haha!

New Name...& Other Stuff...

Like the name? I do :) It includes all my kid's in one...and it's kinda sassy lol. DAMN stands for DavidAlyssaMayaNadine! So remember it's me people...

Well I am working nights and Saturday's at my Uncle's upholstery shop. I do all the office stuff, answer phones, give quotes, and when I can make us some money! It's the perfect job because I literally get to sit here in front of the computer 90% of the time, off my feet, and I have all day for doctor's appointments and things.

I have my 25 week ultrasound tomorrow and can't wait to see Miss. Maya Papaya and how she is growing. I am able to see her moving across my belly now, and she kicks so hard she literally takes my breathe away. Even with all the signs that everything is all and well, I still am so scared deep down inside.

I know the fears will never go away, and I trust in God to bring me through this. But it's still hard. And I don't like to let anyone know about what I really feel inside. It's bad enough if I have a cramp or just don't feel good that Chris is so worried. Half my time is hiding my emotions so I don't scare my loved one's. I'm sure some of you know what I mean.

I have a new doctor who so far I like (only one visit) and I will get to deliver at the hospital I wanted and not the one I had a horrible experience with Alyssa at.

I hope everyone had a blessed Easter! Sorry this is so general, I am sorting feelings out in my head that will soon be posted here!

Clover's & Lady Bug's...

Ok a little background before the pictures. My grandpa, who was my hero died when I was 17. It still seem's like yesterday, and just like my babies it is hard to believe he is gone. Now grandpa was born on St. Patricks Day, so we have always associated anything green (like clovers!) with him.

Now right before I had Alyssa I registered at Target for a Lady Bug crib set, and all the matching accessories. I planned on calling her my Lyssy Bug.

Last week we went to decorate for Easter at the babies graves. This is what I saw....

Lady Bug!!!

Clovers!!! The only patch of them, right between Alyssa & David's headstones!

Lady Bug & Clovers


It flew onto my hand...


Thank you Grandpa for showing me that you are with my babies. Nothing is sweeter. I love you Grandpa, Alyssa, and David

Moved...

So we are back in Springfield, which is where we lived when we found out David was sick. This is where we had moved from CA to be 5 years ago next month. This is where Alyssa was born, and this is where both my babies are buried.

This is where I have no trust in the doctors, or hospital. I am getting my insurance arranged here and am looking for a doctor at the only other hospital.

I'm 22 weeks. This is when Alyssa was born. This is also when I was in our car accident and pregnant with David. This is not a good week. I am constantly worried, and even though everyone seems to think I can just not be stressed...it's not that easy.

I pray Maya continues to grow and be healthy. She moves around so much now, a constant reminder to Mommy that she is there and growing.

I'm still blogging from my phone, and hope to have internet soon so I can really get my thoughts out. Miss seeing everyone's updates!

Happy 2nd Birthday Alyssa

Two years ago today we held our sweet baby girl in our arms for the first and last time. Never did we imagine before my water broke at 22 weeks that her second birthday would be spent without her.

I am laying in bed miserable. Missing my baby girl on top of the second head cold in 2 weeks. So many 2's right? Alyssa showing me she see's it all :)

Still on my phone, so this is it for now. Happy birthday Alyssa!!

Update

I am doing fine and trying to update from my phone, bare with me! We are in the process of moving to Phoenix, and hopefully will leave next week. Praying our setbacks are over and we can go. We have a place rented out there already and Chris' work is waiting on him.

Pregnancy is very good and at our 18 week ultrasound on Tuesday we saw a perfect 4 chamber heart :) She is growing right on schedule and just perfect.

I can't wait to be back on a computer and reading about all my blogging friends, it's so hard on the phone!

We're having a....

GIRL!!!!

I just got back from my ultrasound and we are having a PERFECT HEALTHY GIRL!!! I didn't cry until I left the doctor's office and called my best friend to tell her. I can't stop the tears of joy.

"Perfect heart, 4 chambers, perfect brain, no hydrocephalus, perfect stomach and bladder, she measure's right on date" is all I remember the ultrasound lady saying. It's all that mattered. And a perfect spine!

I can't wait for Maya Loyal Marie to get here. Loyal was Chris' grandpa's name and I think it's perfect just like Maya!

Even in all my happiness I think of Alyssa and David. My sweet babies. Mommy loves you more than ever and I miss you even more. I am sad I didn't have this chance with David. I am blessed that my babies looked out for their baby sister. I know this baby is perfect because of their love!

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PASS ALONG TO YOUR FRIENDS!

I will be posting this again, just starting early!

Moving!

So it's kinda sudden, and everything isn't planned out yet BUT we are moving to Phoenix, AZ in about a month or less! I'm so excited to be moving back closer to CA where all our family is. Chris is getting transfered with his job which makes it perfect!

More later as I know! My mom is coming to help me pack and move thankfully. Pray everything works out smoothly for us.