Friday, January 29, 2010

We're having a....


I just got back from my ultrasound and we are having a PERFECT HEALTHY GIRL!!! I didn't cry until I left the doctor's office and called my best friend to tell her. I can't stop the tears of joy.

"Perfect heart, 4 chambers, perfect brain, no hydrocephalus, perfect stomach and bladder, she measure's right on date" is all I remember the ultrasound lady saying. It's all that mattered. And a perfect spine!

I can't wait for Maya Loyal Marie to get here. Loyal was Chris' grandpa's name and I think it's perfect just like Maya!

Even in all my happiness I think of Alyssa and David. My sweet babies. Mommy loves you more than ever and I miss you even more. I am sad I didn't have this chance with David. I am blessed that my babies looked out for their baby sister. I know this baby is perfect because of their love!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Win VICTORIA's SECRET gift basket!

Do you want to be entered to win a VICTORIA'S SECRET gift basket with Hydrating Body Lotion, Refreshing Body Mist, Exhilirating Body Wash, and Ultra-Moisturising Hand & Body Cream???
Choose from...
Love Spell
Enchanted Apple
Coconut Passion
Berry Kiss
Strawberries & Champagne
Click below to make your donation, as soon as I recieve the confirmation from March of Dimes, I will send you an email and let you know I have your info for the drawing!!!
I will be posting this again, just starting early!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


So it's kinda sudden, and everything isn't planned out yet BUT we are moving to Phoenix, AZ in about a month or less! I'm so excited to be moving back closer to CA where all our family is. Chris is getting transfered with his job which makes it perfect!

More later as I know! My mom is coming to help me pack and move thankfully. Pray everything works out smoothly for us.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Sick & Tired

I'm literally sick and tired. Usually if I would post this it would be because I'm stressed and sad....but not today. We drove back from celebrating David's first birthday and visiting him and Alyssa's grave on Wed night. On the way home Nadine started throwing up in the car, and being pregnant and already nauseous I thought I was going to pass out from grossness lol. My poor baby just wanted to get home and get to bed.

I got Nadine into bed around 11PM and I layed down too. I woke up about an hour later and my turn came. I threw up atleast every 20 minutes from midnight until 8AM. Chris was worried, asked me several times if I wanted to go to the hospital. All I wanted to do was get the bug outta my tummy! I couldn't even hold down water, but I chugged it anyways and just let it all come up I was so thirsty.

Now on Saturday evening I am no longer throwing up, but my tummy is sore and I'm still nauseous. And I was able to eat a whole row of crackers!

I've wrote numerous blog posts in my head as I've laid in bed the last couple days. Posts about David's birthday, and about how I broke down in a major way last night (1 year since David passed). But as for now they are all still in my head, and hopefully when I am mentally and physically stronger I can somehow get them out into typed words.

How does everyone like the new layout? One of my dearest friends Sarah made it :) Thanks sis!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Happy 1st Birthday David James

No real words today. We celebrated David's 1st birthday with his sisters Genevie and of course Nadine. And the cute lil guy above is David's nephew Christopher :)

Monday, January 11, 2010

1 Year Ago

One year ago this very exact moment I sat with my husband, my mom, and my daughter right here in this same living room. We laughed and talked about how excited we were that it was getting closer and closer to my scheduled c-section on Feb. 3rd, 2009.

I was so hopeful, and so scared. I was terrified about the "what if's" about David's condition, but I was comforted in the doctor's telling us that he would make it. They didn't know at that time about his lungs, and the way his chest cavity had formed. I was caught in the middle of fear and happiness, but most of all just anxious to meet my baby boy.

One year later I sit in this same living room, hopeful and so scared once again. This room looks the same, it looks like the same family lives here. But they don't. The family that is here now looks the same, but we are different. The father is always trying to be strong, but deep down I know he hurts more than I can tell. The mother is broken, she trys to hide her pain so she won't cause her loved ones more tears. The daughter is sad about having a dead sister and brother. She doesn't understand, and thinks everytime Mommy is pregnant the baby will die.

I pray tomorrow comes softly. We are driving down to where the babies are buried, and staying with my oldest step-daughter. We are going to have pizza and a cake, and let David's sister and nephew blow out his first birthday candle.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Snow Pictures!

We have 11 inches of snow! Nadine has been out of school all week with snow days, and has loved every minute of it. We are bundled up inside now as we have an "artic front" moving in, and our high tomorrow will only be 3 below!!!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Praying for a better day

As David's 1st birthday gets closer and closer, my heart breaks just a little bit more. I was thinking today how it's only been a year since he died. Only a year. I can see the progress I've made since the first months. I still cry, I still miss them, I still hurt. I don't think any amount of time will take that away, as I miss Alyssa just as much as I did over a year ago.

I pray for a better day. A day when I can just be carefree and worry free for one day. A day when I don't think of the worse that can happen, a day when I don't stare out into no where thinking of my babies for long periods of time, a day when I don't cry in secret so I don't cause my family to hurt from my tears.

I pray to be able to see the faith and the blessing in this baby #4. I pray to just be pregnant and not have one complication, and a baby so healthy and beautiful!

Sometimes I get on here and think "Wow I am gonna make this a great post, pour my heart out." And then...then my mind takes over and takes me a million different ways, and none of those are the way I wanted to talk about. So I just babble on and hope someone understands me :)