As David's 1st birthday gets closer and closer, my heart breaks just a little bit more. I was thinking today how it's only been a year since he died. Only a year. I can see the progress I've made since the first months. I still cry, I still miss them, I still hurt. I don't think any amount of time will take that away, as I miss Alyssa just as much as I did over a year ago.
I pray for a better day. A day when I can just be carefree and worry free for one day. A day when I don't think of the worse that can happen, a day when I don't stare out into no where thinking of my babies for long periods of time, a day when I don't cry in secret so I don't cause my family to hurt from my tears.
I pray to be able to see the faith and the blessing in this baby #4. I pray to just be pregnant and not have one complication, and a baby so healthy and beautiful!
Sometimes I get on here and think "Wow I am gonna make this a great post, pour my heart out." And then...then my mind takes over and takes me a million different ways, and none of those are the way I wanted to talk about. So I just babble on and hope someone understands me :)