Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Under Tree - April

Ok, so I am just a little late. I've just found Under Tree which I recommend to any mother who has experienced a loss!

How long has it been since you lost your child/ren? Has your grief changed at all? Is your life becoming any easier or is it just harder as time passes?
It has been 1 year and almost 3 months since I lost Alyssa, and almost 4 months since we lost David. My grief has changed in the sense that I am more at peace with Alyssa's passing (which I don't know whether I like or not). I realize she didn't have a chance and God took her without any pain, without any suffering. My grief for David goes up and down, I am torn up inside. He was a big baby, he lived for 4 days and we had such hope he would come home with us.

How do you feel when you see pregnant women when you are out and about?
I'm not angry at pregnant women, sometimes when I do see them I feel a bit jealous but I miss my pregnancies more than I am overtaken by theirs. I say a prayer they never go through what I went through.

Whats your therapy in the aftermath of losing your child/ren? Do you go to counseling? Do you do artwork or some kind of exercise or do you simply just let yourself be? What helps you?
I blog! I also journal on my own in my own writing. I have also turned to poetry alot, I love to find poetry that relates to the pain I feel. I do need regular counseling by a therapist at this time, but due to lack of insurance I am stuck.


Courtney said...

Hello there. I am so sorry that we had to meet under such sad similar situations. I do however look forward to getting to know you and read all about you and your beautiful family.


Michele said...

I love your answer to #2, that you pray for the pregnant women you see. I think that is great. I'm going to start doing that.

caitsmom said...

Welcome to under the tree. Thanks for visiting my blog.

I love what you wrote about missing your own pregnancies more than being upset about another woman's pregnancy.

If you want to talk face to face with people look for Compassionate Friends or MISS Foundation groups in your area. These are terrific groups for parents whose children die. ((((hugs))))

And keep blogging. I look forward to reading and learning more.


Julie said...

Hi Nikki, I am so sorry that your babies are not with you. I am also one of the baby lost mamas under the tree.