Friday, March 20, 2009

30 years...

Yes, I am now 30. It was a day spent just Chris and I. He bought me a beautiful locket to put my babies pictures in, just what I wanted. We went to see the Madea Goes To Jail movie which was soooo funny! Then we ended the night eating at the Italian Resturant that Chris works at. I had never been there before and it was sooo good! And everyone was incredibly nice, they even brought out a dessert tray for me and said happy birthday. I was stuffed!

I did cry at dinner. I started thinking about how my birthday was one of the things I had thought about when I was pregnant with David, and how I wanted to see a car seat sitting next to us and Chris showing the baby off to his friends at work. Chris told me about how the head chef had told him that when they found out David passed away one of Chris' friends there got so upset he had to go outside alone, he was crying and so mad about what was going on. It touched my heart that this man cared about us so much that he shared in our grief. I know there are a lot of people out there I don't know who shared in the pain of David passing, and I love you all.

Later while I laid in bed I stared at Chris sleeping. I am always the last to fall asleep, if I even can. Sleep is not my friend these last couple months. I rubbed his shoulder and then gently rubbed his face. I closed my eyes and cried as I ran my hand across the side of his face. I thought about how this was the closest I would get to rubbing my babies. That I could still feel them if I closed my eyes and rubbed Chris' face...because my babies were part of me, and part of him...so the space where my skin met his...was like my babies...part me, part him. I hope I explained that right, in my head I know exactly what I mean.

My post is a little eratic moving from topic to topic sorry thats how my mind works. We ordered David's headstone. We don't know the exact wording but how do you think about this?

Daddy & Mommy's Little Hero
David James Wood
Jan. 12th - Jan. 15th 2009
My Love Will Fly to You Each Night on Angels Wings...

6 comments:

Lee Family said...

Happy Birthday , glad you got a chance to get out, It always feels good to get out of the house. Enjoy your weekend.

Michele said...

Happy Birthday. I remember my birthday last year... How much I hated it. I can't say that this year will be better.

I love to watch Peter sleep. In his face, his mannerisms, I see our children. Like you, I'll stroke his face and hope that, just for a moment, they can live through him and feel their mother's touch... her love... We even have this thing, where we will kiss each other's foreheads and say "for our babies".

It's funny. I've gone from not sleeping to sleeping all the time. I sit on the couch- and fall asleep. I touch the pillow- I'm out. In the car- asleep. I think, at some points, our bodies try to recoup what we've lost... I don't know...

Sending you birthday hugs and greetings.

Amyacl said...

I'm glad that you and Chris were able to spend some time together on your birthday, doing things for the two of you. May the coming year bring peace and happiness for you and your family.

Vanessa said...

Happy belated birthday!

You explained it perfectly about how you feel your babies. My heart hurts so badly for you. I know this is rought but I'm glad you have your husband to lean on.

I'm sending prayers your way.

Tammy On the Go said...

Hey Sweetie, 30 is not so bad. I will be 34 soon...isn't it like the new 10 or something??

www.tellthemtuesday.blogspot.com

mamma2 said...

tSorry this comment is coming a week late but happy birthday.
You might want to add something to include Nadine on the headstone.