Sunday, March 15, 2009

He Should Be In These Too...





We went and got family pictures taken on Saturday night. I wanted to get them done because Nadine is in CA right now for her spring break, and I was just anxious to do it before she left.

I thought about David through the pictures, but I wasn't upset until I saw the actual pictures. I remember being pregnant and so excited about the thought of family pictures with our new addition, our son.

I also remembered being pregnant with Alyssa and getting family pictures taken, thinking "Wow the next time we take pictures like this we will have a baby in them!" I have one family picture of me,Chris, Nadine, and Alyssa. But I will never have a picture of my whole family together, me and all my kids.

I miss my babies. I'm sad that David is not here to be in our pictures. Family pictures will never ever be the same for me, of course we will have them taken, but in my heart they aren't how they are supposed to be. There are people missing, and my heart is missing pieces, I'm not the person I was in our first family picture before Alyssa and David.

I've been having lots of dreams about David. I wake up upset and sometimes crying. The day of pictures I had been dreaming I was still pregnant and actually woke up and rubbed my belly before I realized I had been dreaming. I was relieved I had been in the bedroom by myself, I didn't want anyone to see what I had done and think I was going crazy. I try and keep a lot inside, this blog is the only place I am completley honest with my true feelings....

2 comments:

Michele said...

Sweetie, I am so sorry. Honestly, I cant bring myself to take formal pictures. We have some of when we were in the hospital with Alex, but it hurts so much to think of posing for picturs without our babies. I applaud you for going and making these memories with Nadine.

Peter tells me that they are in my heart and will be in any photo that I am in... That he sees them in me as I see them in him, and so they are always present. But it still hurts.

I, too, have dreams and sometimes wake up, hands on belly. It is so painful when you realize your baby is no longer there. What I wouldnt give for those moments with them again...

Courtney said...

i love you