Miss. Maya

First off, I never wanted to be the mom who had a baby and never posted again, or rarely did. Let me tell you that I plan to do more, but just wanted to share these pictures of Maya first!

Maya Loyal-Marie
6-23-10
9lbs 3oz...now 11 lbs 9oz!

And in the pic of her with the seahorse...that was her big brother David's he held in the NICU ;)

Update's PLEASE READ!

It has been a hard decision, and it has taken awhile to decide. I have contemplated moving to another blog to update more on baby Maya. I feel like this blog was for David, and I want it to stay for David and Alyssa. It doesn't mean I won't blog here anymore, but it most likely won't be as often. My feelings and emotions are more private right now, I am having a hard time thinking about having this baby girl in my arms when my other babies aren't. So for now I am going to update on a more 'family blog' about my family as a whole. The blog is linked to this one in my profile, and I hope everyone understands and follows me there.

I also have mixed feelings about blogging about this pregnancy and having my baby girl, when I know how hard it was for me to read other blogs with new babies. So if you would like me to add you to my blog list on the new blog, PLEASE come over and leave me a comment!

http://dinimaya.blogspot.com

Good news!

Maya's heartbeat leveled out, doc cancelled tests, and we're home!

Pray for Maya

I'm 30 weeks now which in itself is a blessing. I am in OB Triage waiting for an ultrasound...I came in with high blood pressure and thankfully they think it was just a fluke and it's back to normal. Now they aren't happy with Maya's heart rate and are going to check her with ultrasound. Please please pray she is ok, I'm so scared!

Updating from my phone, will update again as I know more...

Home?

It's looking good I will go home today. YAYYYYY! I can't complain about being in the hospital, as much as I wish I was home with my love and my drama queen. When it comes down to it, I much rather we be cautious and be on top of me getting antibiotics than not be. When it comes to this baby's health I am willing to do anything. Now, it does always scare me in the back of my mind if anything at all is wrong that it will affect Maya. She is so perfect though!

Everyday I am put on a monitor for 20 minutes to listen to her heart, and I tell you this kid is VERY active lol. As soon as the monitor is put on, she either wiggles away, or kicks it over and over. We have had to sit here with it on just a lil longer because her kicking is so much that it drowns out her heartbeat. She by far is my most active baby :) And she has a nice strong heartbeat.

This morning I was actually able to get myself outta bed (I had been in so much pain before I barely moved) and into the chair, and set my table and laptop up...all without one moan or groan! I am so thankful to be feeling so much better. Thank you Jesus!

In Hospital...

Ugh I'm so frustrated first off, I logged in (it's been awhile) and my blog list is gone and my background is changed I don't understand :( I will get my blog list back as soon as I find all of you again!

I am currently in the hospital BUT MISS MAYA IS FINE! I have a severe bladder infection, as well as something called gardenerella. Most likely because I am diabetic, and leaves me open to more "women's only" infections. The doc admitted me to get me on IV meds, and just be cautious.

I am in a lot of pain though, and was just able to get the computer set up so I can try and keep my mind off of it all. I was so hoping this would be the pregnancy I would only have to go to the hospital when I was delivering, but that is out the window now. As long as Maya is healthy, I'll do anything.

So please keep us in your prayers. I have been here since yesterday and am hoping to go home tomorrow as long as the antibiotic is working, and I am not in so much pain. I am worried because right now I have a catheter, and worry about when it comes out that the other pain (when i urinate) will come back. Then again I worry about pretty much everything :)

Also a pic from last week! I am now 27 weeks, and I am pretty sure bigger already haha!

New Name...& Other Stuff...

Like the name? I do :) It includes all my kid's in one...and it's kinda sassy lol. DAMN stands for DavidAlyssaMayaNadine! So remember it's me people...

Well I am working nights and Saturday's at my Uncle's upholstery shop. I do all the office stuff, answer phones, give quotes, and when I can make us some money! It's the perfect job because I literally get to sit here in front of the computer 90% of the time, off my feet, and I have all day for doctor's appointments and things.

I have my 25 week ultrasound tomorrow and can't wait to see Miss. Maya Papaya and how she is growing. I am able to see her moving across my belly now, and she kicks so hard she literally takes my breathe away. Even with all the signs that everything is all and well, I still am so scared deep down inside.

I know the fears will never go away, and I trust in God to bring me through this. But it's still hard. And I don't like to let anyone know about what I really feel inside. It's bad enough if I have a cramp or just don't feel good that Chris is so worried. Half my time is hiding my emotions so I don't scare my loved one's. I'm sure some of you know what I mean.

I have a new doctor who so far I like (only one visit) and I will get to deliver at the hospital I wanted and not the one I had a horrible experience with Alyssa at.

I hope everyone had a blessed Easter! Sorry this is so general, I am sorting feelings out in my head that will soon be posted here!

Clover's & Lady Bug's...

Ok a little background before the pictures. My grandpa, who was my hero died when I was 17. It still seem's like yesterday, and just like my babies it is hard to believe he is gone. Now grandpa was born on St. Patricks Day, so we have always associated anything green (like clovers!) with him.

Now right before I had Alyssa I registered at Target for a Lady Bug crib set, and all the matching accessories. I planned on calling her my Lyssy Bug.

Last week we went to decorate for Easter at the babies graves. This is what I saw....

Lady Bug!!!

Clovers!!! The only patch of them, right between Alyssa & David's headstones!

Lady Bug & Clovers


It flew onto my hand...


Thank you Grandpa for showing me that you are with my babies. Nothing is sweeter. I love you Grandpa, Alyssa, and David

Moved...

So we are back in Springfield, which is where we lived when we found out David was sick. This is where we had moved from CA to be 5 years ago next month. This is where Alyssa was born, and this is where both my babies are buried.

This is where I have no trust in the doctors, or hospital. I am getting my insurance arranged here and am looking for a doctor at the only other hospital.

I'm 22 weeks. This is when Alyssa was born. This is also when I was in our car accident and pregnant with David. This is not a good week. I am constantly worried, and even though everyone seems to think I can just not be stressed...it's not that easy.

I pray Maya continues to grow and be healthy. She moves around so much now, a constant reminder to Mommy that she is there and growing.

I'm still blogging from my phone, and hope to have internet soon so I can really get my thoughts out. Miss seeing everyone's updates!

Happy 2nd Birthday Alyssa

Two years ago today we held our sweet baby girl in our arms for the first and last time. Never did we imagine before my water broke at 22 weeks that her second birthday would be spent without her.

I am laying in bed miserable. Missing my baby girl on top of the second head cold in 2 weeks. So many 2's right? Alyssa showing me she see's it all :)

Still on my phone, so this is it for now. Happy birthday Alyssa!!

Update

I am doing fine and trying to update from my phone, bare with me! We are in the process of moving to Phoenix, and hopefully will leave next week. Praying our setbacks are over and we can go. We have a place rented out there already and Chris' work is waiting on him.

Pregnancy is very good and at our 18 week ultrasound on Tuesday we saw a perfect 4 chamber heart :) She is growing right on schedule and just perfect.

I can't wait to be back on a computer and reading about all my blogging friends, it's so hard on the phone!

We're having a....

GIRL!!!!

I just got back from my ultrasound and we are having a PERFECT HEALTHY GIRL!!! I didn't cry until I left the doctor's office and called my best friend to tell her. I can't stop the tears of joy.

"Perfect heart, 4 chambers, perfect brain, no hydrocephalus, perfect stomach and bladder, she measure's right on date" is all I remember the ultrasound lady saying. It's all that mattered. And a perfect spine!

I can't wait for Maya Loyal Marie to get here. Loyal was Chris' grandpa's name and I think it's perfect just like Maya!

Even in all my happiness I think of Alyssa and David. My sweet babies. Mommy loves you more than ever and I miss you even more. I am sad I didn't have this chance with David. I am blessed that my babies looked out for their baby sister. I know this baby is perfect because of their love!

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I will be posting this again, just starting early!

Moving!

So it's kinda sudden, and everything isn't planned out yet BUT we are moving to Phoenix, AZ in about a month or less! I'm so excited to be moving back closer to CA where all our family is. Chris is getting transfered with his job which makes it perfect!

More later as I know! My mom is coming to help me pack and move thankfully. Pray everything works out smoothly for us.

Sick & Tired

I'm literally sick and tired. Usually if I would post this it would be because I'm stressed and sad....but not today. We drove back from celebrating David's first birthday and visiting him and Alyssa's grave on Wed night. On the way home Nadine started throwing up in the car, and being pregnant and already nauseous I thought I was going to pass out from grossness lol. My poor baby just wanted to get home and get to bed.

I got Nadine into bed around 11PM and I layed down too. I woke up about an hour later and my turn came. I threw up atleast every 20 minutes from midnight until 8AM. Chris was worried, asked me several times if I wanted to go to the hospital. All I wanted to do was get the bug outta my tummy! I couldn't even hold down water, but I chugged it anyways and just let it all come up I was so thirsty.

Now on Saturday evening I am no longer throwing up, but my tummy is sore and I'm still nauseous. And I was able to eat a whole row of crackers!

I've wrote numerous blog posts in my head as I've laid in bed the last couple days. Posts about David's birthday, and about how I broke down in a major way last night (1 year since David passed). But as for now they are all still in my head, and hopefully when I am mentally and physically stronger I can somehow get them out into typed words.

How does everyone like the new layout? One of my dearest friends Sarah made it :) Thanks sis!

Happy 1st Birthday David James

No real words today. We celebrated David's 1st birthday with his sisters Genevie and of course Nadine. And the cute lil guy above is David's nephew Christopher :)

1 Year Ago

One year ago this very exact moment I sat with my husband, my mom, and my daughter right here in this same living room. We laughed and talked about how excited we were that it was getting closer and closer to my scheduled c-section on Feb. 3rd, 2009.

I was so hopeful, and so scared. I was terrified about the "what if's" about David's condition, but I was comforted in the doctor's telling us that he would make it. They didn't know at that time about his lungs, and the way his chest cavity had formed. I was caught in the middle of fear and happiness, but most of all just anxious to meet my baby boy.

One year later I sit in this same living room, hopeful and so scared once again. This room looks the same, it looks like the same family lives here. But they don't. The family that is here now looks the same, but we are different. The father is always trying to be strong, but deep down I know he hurts more than I can tell. The mother is broken, she trys to hide her pain so she won't cause her loved ones more tears. The daughter is sad about having a dead sister and brother. She doesn't understand, and thinks everytime Mommy is pregnant the baby will die.

I pray tomorrow comes softly. We are driving down to where the babies are buried, and staying with my oldest step-daughter. We are going to have pizza and a cake, and let David's sister and nephew blow out his first birthday candle.

Snow Pictures!

We have 11 inches of snow! Nadine has been out of school all week with snow days, and has loved every minute of it. We are bundled up inside now as we have an "artic front" moving in, and our high tomorrow will only be 3 below!!!

Praying for a better day

As David's 1st birthday gets closer and closer, my heart breaks just a little bit more. I was thinking today how it's only been a year since he died. Only a year. I can see the progress I've made since the first months. I still cry, I still miss them, I still hurt. I don't think any amount of time will take that away, as I miss Alyssa just as much as I did over a year ago.

I pray for a better day. A day when I can just be carefree and worry free for one day. A day when I don't think of the worse that can happen, a day when I don't stare out into no where thinking of my babies for long periods of time, a day when I don't cry in secret so I don't cause my family to hurt from my tears.

I pray to be able to see the faith and the blessing in this baby #4. I pray to just be pregnant and not have one complication, and a baby so healthy and beautiful!

Sometimes I get on here and think "Wow I am gonna make this a great post, pour my heart out." And then...then my mind takes over and takes me a million different ways, and none of those are the way I wanted to talk about. So I just babble on and hope someone understands me :)