Happy New Year!

I just wanted to take a minute to wish all of you a very happy new year! We are on the way to the mall to get pictures taken, just me and Chris the first one's we've had just us together. So I will post them soon, I'm making it a point that they make sure you see my belly!

Only 2 more days and Nadine will safely be back in my families care. My mom will pick her up on Friday morning, and I can't wait for them to make the drive from California back to Missouri. I miss my lil girl soooo much!

And to make a comment about David's weight....WELL I don't think we have to worry about him when he is born haha, at my ultrasound 2 weeks ago (32 weeks) he was already almost 6 pounds. I am thinking if I go to 39 weeks he will be closer to 9 pounds. I gained 10 pounds in 2 weeks, making my total 20 pounds for this pregnancy. But to my defense I was wearing my ankle boot which I am SURE is about 6 pounds.

Fetal Heart Monitoring...

So today little David gave me quite a scare. I go two days a week to have fetal heart monitoring, and as soon as they hooked me up today his heart rate went down fast and real low. It's normally about 160-170, but he went all the way down to 30!

My own heart most likely dropped with his being so scared. I prayed in my head please please just let him be okay, let it just be the monitor not hooked up right. The nurse didn't really say anything and just kept on with the test, but I couldn't take my eyes off the computer screen and his little heart rate. It did go back up, and stayed above 150 the rest of the test.

I did have an ultrasound just to make sure everything was okay after that little event, and the doctor said he looked fine. I am to rest this weekend, and make sure I am feeling him move. He said babies with heart problems have a lot of unknowns before they are born and that as a doctor he can't tell what happened, or explain it. Just make sure the baby keeps moving, and if I feel different or not feel him to come in.

I think David just likes to mess with his Mommy!

And yes the monitor is picking up contractions. I am not in pain, but my belly gets real tight and uncomfortable and once in awhile I do moan and groan about it, but it's not labor! I'm not ready yet to have him hehe, and atleast not until Nadine is back so she can be here with us. So contractions for atleast another week or more, then you can come baby David!

Thank You PERKINS!!!

I want to say a very special thank you to Perkin's Restaurant! I entered a contest through the radio station Hot 103 Jamz, telling your holiday story and why you deserve to win a holiday feast. So I entered and guess what we won!!!

I can't explain how happy I was, I had just been stressing about how we were even going to have a Christmas dinner and I got a call that we had won a holiday feast! We are so blessed. I can't explain how touched I am that the staff and management of Perkin's chose us out of all the people who entered.

Thank you so much Perkin's. Your amazing gift has truly made us feel blessed. I'm at a loss for words right now, my mind is full of so much at this time. My mind is a boggle and I can't type much, but I had to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.

No More Christmas Here...

As some of you may or may not know, Nadine is not biologically mine. I have raised her and been Mommy since she was a year old, and I am the ONLY Mommy she knows. Her "egg donor" as I like to call her has been a drug addict, in jail, a liar and a thief who was never concerned enough to be in her life. We've attempted to let her see Nadine, to call her, but she never follows through with anything. Nadine has not seen her in 2 years.

Today, by a court order in California that we are trying to fight, we had to put Nadine on a plane to see this woman that claims she wants to be in her life. A woman who doesn't call for months at a time, doesn't follow through with coming to visit, who makes no effort to love this child. This child who is MY daughter.

We are currently fighting for modification of the visitation here in Missouri, but until this case is settled by law we have to go by the CA order. If we didn't put her on the plane today we risked loosing custody of Nadine all together and her being ripped away from us and taken to California with the egg donor. We can't risk loosing her.

Chris and I are devestated. We had to deal with Nadine being so upset today, my poor baby cried and cried until we got to the airport. Thankfully she was excited then and got on the plane no problem. I told Chris it's harder on us than her. I am so scared though. I talked to the lawyer from the other side who took full responsibility for making sure Nadine is sent back to us, which is our biggest fear.

My mind and body are broken right now. How do you deal with having to put your baby on a plane to go see someone she hardly remembers for Christmas? How is it fair that she has NEVER done anything for her yet she gets this special day and takes it away from us, her parents. I don't understand how the CA court doesn't understand that she needs to be re-introduced into her life through supervised visits and counseling, not to just let her have her because she said she wants to. It's NOT FAIR!

I am very very bitter and angry. More than I am letting on in this post. I am angry at the world. Angry that once things seem to be going good for us, we are let down once again. How much more can we take?

Please pray Nadine is okay while she is gone. She has never been away from us, and she is especially attached to her Daddy. I'm sad for us, but I'm even sadder that somehow this is going to change how Nadine is as a person, that it will affect her emotionally. Until today she didn't know how I became her Mommy. We never thought we would have to go into it so soon, since the egg donor never ever tried to be anything to her. Life isn't fair and I'm going to bed.

My Son, Already My Hero...

I had to share this. While shopping today I found this sleeper....my heart was overjoyed. It describes how I already feel about my son in two little words, MY HERO!

He isn't even born yet, but my baby is strong, he is surviving, and he is going to be a hero to a lot of people I already know it! I was laying on the bed the other night and started crying as I felt him kick. Not tears of sadness, but of joy thinking of how there really is this amazing little boy in there waiting to come out. And he's all mine!

This week is filled with appointments so I am sure I will have some updates later on. I have 2 fetal heart monitorings, and an appointment with the neurosurgeon on Wed. I am a little nervous as usual but I will get through it.

Also Chris got a job and starts tomorrow! That takes a lot of stress off of me. Things are falling into place, but please keep praying!

Heart Babies/Blog List

I am trying to keep it as updated as I can, so if you have a heart baby and I haven't listed you please let me know!

If you are a follower and want your blog listed here, please let me know!

If you know of any great blog's I should be reading, let me know!

Doc Appt...

Let me first off say that I feel 100% more confident in the doctor's I am seeing here than I did with the other one's in Springfield. They are so nice, caring, and willing to work with me in every aspect of my medical care.

Yesterday I had fetal heart monitoring and then met with the nurses in the high risk OB office, as well as the doctor. Nothing really new was told to me, the same thing about how really knowing exactly what's going on until David is born, and then we will know the plan of action better.

I was very, very worried about having a C-Section and not being able to go see my baby until I recovered. The doctor told me that after about a day I will be given a "pass" and can go in a wheelchair to the other hospital to be with my baby boy as much as I want. YAYYYYY! I have been soooo stressed over this, I just want to be with my baby.

I will be having fetal heart monitoring twice a week, seeing the doc every 2 weeks, appointments to meet the neurologist and cardio surgeon in the next 3 weeks. I'm gonna be busy!

Also, I've made a MySpace page. I will be updating this blog more frequently because I am in love with blogging here haha, but I have lots of family and friends who are strictly MySpace based. So if you have a page and want to add us there as well please do!

myspace.com/prayforbabydavid

I dont know what I did!

But I have to fix my blog list/heart babies list! I just spent so much time trying to find a background I think would fit, I'm exhausted! Anyone know of good places to get layouts that don't erase your sidebar?

Update more in detail about doc tomorrow, no real "new" news, I will let you all know though what they said :)

31 Week Ultrasound...

These were taken last week, just now getting them posted! I have doctor's appointment today so I will update later on with what she has to say :)

HOLIDAY HELP...

Due to our recent move and incredible financial stress, I have been asking for holiday assistance from several local charities. If anyone know's of any in the Kansas City area please let me know! I do have a donate button on the side-bar, but I am not asking for money. I need help making sure Nadine has a Christmas.

I would love if anyone could even just send Christmas cards to my 5 year old. She loves getting mail, and I realize with everyone's financial strain at this time of year, sometimes a card is more than enough. If you would like to send her a card please email me at christopherandnikki@yahoo.com.

I hate asking for help. I've always been a woman who had a steady job, who made sure I could support my family. With the move, having no family here to help, being on our own....it's just all too overwhelming. And when it comes to my baby girl, I will ask for help.

This is what I have written to the charities...

My name is Nikki , and I've just moved to Kansas City from Springfield, MO. My husband, my 5 year old daughter, and myself have moved here to be close to Children's Mercy Hospital. I am 32 weeks pregnant, and about a month ago we found out that our unborn son has many problems including fluid on the brain, scoliosis, and many heart defects.

In Feb of this year we lost our daughter Alyssa, shortly after birth due to being premature. This has been a long hard road dealing with loosing a child, and now facing the thought of a child who is very sick. Emotionally me and my husband are broken.

In the last 3 months we were also in a major car accident where I had to be hospitalized and have surgery on my ankle (8 pins and a plate) and I severed an artery in my head. Thankfully the baby was not affected by the accident, but we did loose our truck and the same day my husband was laid off from his job. We are waiting for my medical care to be finished before insurance will do anything for us.

We are oringinally from California, we have been in MO for 4 years. We don't have any family here in KC, and Christmas this year will be non-existent after the financial struggle of our car accident as well as having to face this major move.

Writing just this short explanation of why we need help to me is overwhelming. I don't understand why we have been given so much to deal with in such a short amount of time. I do have medical documentation if you need it.

Also please visit my website about my unborn son's medical condition included in my signature.

Thank You,

Nikki

Please Pass Our Prayer Requests On!

I truly believe in the power of prayer! I am hoping all of you can add a link to Baby David's page to your own blog! I don't know how to make a blog button where you can just copy the code out but I know you can add the image to your blog and link it through the blogger layout! Please help David get as many prayers as possible!

UPDATE - Correction, or clarification lol...we are orginally from Los Angeles, moved to Southern Missouri 4 years ago, now are in Kansas City MO for Children's Mercy Hospital!

Moved & Medical Update...

As I sat down to start typing this out we heard our first shooting in the new house. Literally about 10 feet away from our front windows. So to say the least, this is NOT a good neighborhood, and I will NOT be letting Nadine play outside anytime soon. I am also buying something to go over her windows so you can't see light outside for any reason.

Well we did get moved, and we love our house. It's just the neighborhood, that until tonight we thought was...well not the best...but liveable. Just getting moved here was a big ordeal, which I hope to blog about another time. Now for the medical updates.

I had a fetal echo/ultrasound yesterday and met briefly with my new doctors. I met the high risk OB and the cardiologist, both who were super nice. Here is what I learned...

1. I will have to deliver C-Section due to David's swelling in his head. He already weighs almost five and a half pounds, mostly due to me being diabetic we think. But because his head is still filling with fluid it won't be possible for me to have a regular delivery.

2. For sure we know that he has ventricular septal defect, aortic overriding, and TOF.

3. Possible pulmonary atresia, which means he doesn't have a pulmonary artery from what I understand. I have another ultrasound in 4 weeks, and the doc will try and see better then and if he can't we will have to wait until David is born to know for sure.

All of this is really having an effect on me emotionally. I just don't know how to deal with it all, how to just be strong and say it's okay that my baby is VERY sick. I can't do that yet. I love him no matter what we have to face, and will be strong for him once he is here but until then I am terrified. I can hardly think, sleep, or do anything without being sidetracked. Pray for us.

Couple Baby Shower Pics...

He really is TOO excited about my belly lol

Found a Place!

After 3 days in Kansas City, we found a house! Now let me tell you first that no matter what, I am grateful we are able to move because of David. I will do anything to make sure he gets the medical care that makes it able for him to come home with us, and that nothing will stop me. But my feelings about KC are mixed at this point.

For what we can afford, and what we could get approved for...well it's not a nice area. We will deal with it no matter what. It's a cute house (even though its still boarded up, I asked if we could leave the boards lol), 2 bedrooms and a full basement. Not a desirable neighborhood though. But I will make the best of it!

Deep down I am disapointed though. We have worked so hard since we moved from Los Angeles to get something better for ourselves, to get the nice house that we are living in. I feel like this is a big set back in that aspect. But in the big picture I see we are are sacrificing everything in the material sense so we can have our precious baby David.

Getting a house, having to come back and pack like crazy is a little overwhelming. I am so uncomfortable all the time, I've made Chris promise me that after I have David and forget how much I didn't like being pregnant anymore that he reminds me! Haha. Just thinking of getting out of the car makes me want to cry, it's just getting so miserable. And I am so scared thinking bout moving, how it makes it all so real that David will be here soon.

I am excited about having my baby, I really really am. Just everything of the unknown, and even the known of his problems is really making me worry and be sad. I just want to know my baby will be okay, that he is going to get the best care possible.

I wish I was one of those mothers who had never had something bad happen in pregnancy, or had a newborn die. I wish I could just be happy and content and just a little nervous about my baby being born. But I'm terrified.

Pray for a friend...

I just learned today that one of my dear friend's, Tony has suffered a loss many of us know. Him and his wife lost twins :( I don't know the details, but I do know the pain that comes along with loosing a child at any stage. I've lost a baby to miscarriage, and my Alyssa shortly after birth, and I know that first pain you feel is something you don't wish on anyone.

So please say a prayer for Tony and his wife, that they find the strength together to make it through this.