After 3 days in Kansas City, we found a house! Now let me tell you first that no matter what, I am grateful we are able to move because of David. I will do anything to make sure he gets the medical care that makes it able for him to come home with us, and that nothing will stop me. But my feelings about KC are mixed at this point.
For what we can afford, and what we could get approved for...well it's not a nice area. We will deal with it no matter what. It's a cute house (even though its still boarded up, I asked if we could leave the boards lol), 2 bedrooms and a full basement. Not a desirable neighborhood though. But I will make the best of it!
Deep down I am disapointed though. We have worked so hard since we moved from Los Angeles to get something better for ourselves, to get the nice house that we are living in. I feel like this is a big set back in that aspect. But in the big picture I see we are are sacrificing everything in the material sense so we can have our precious baby David.
Getting a house, having to come back and pack like crazy is a little overwhelming. I am so uncomfortable all the time, I've made Chris promise me that after I have David and forget how much I didn't like being pregnant anymore that he reminds me! Haha. Just thinking of getting out of the car makes me want to cry, it's just getting so miserable. And I am so scared thinking bout moving, how it makes it all so real that David will be here soon.
I am excited about having my baby, I really really am. Just everything of the unknown, and even the known of his problems is really making me worry and be sad. I just want to know my baby will be okay, that he is going to get the best care possible.
I wish I was one of those mothers who had never had something bad happen in pregnancy, or had a newborn die. I wish I could just be happy and content and just a little nervous about my baby being born. But I'm terrified.