Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Caving In...

My whole world is caving in around me. I've been working from home in the mornings since about August I think? Doing medical transcription proof reading, it's been a great job they worked with me during all my medical crisis, including my car accident and having David, and all his doctor's appointments. I took my job seriously and I loved it. Gave me the freedom to get Nadine ready in the morning, walk her to the bus stop, and do my work.

This morning I was fired. I made a mistake over the weekend on a file. But let me tell you it was an ACCIDENT, I didn't do it on purpose and I don't normally have mistakes, atleast no one has ever told me of them. I told her I was so sorry, I and what I just said to you all, that I take my job seriously and I have just had a lot on my mind.

She says to me "I've read the blog YOU sent me, and I see how you said you can't work anymore, so I have no faith in what you say anymore."

WHAT?!?!?! I read back and I think what she is referring to is when I said I couldn't work after the car accident, and I didn't for about 2 weeks. I never said I couldn't work anymore now.

What does she want to hear from me? Does she want me to blog about how I really feel getting up every morning and working? How I do it for my family because I have to, I have to try and make it seem like I'm okay, that I can deal with everyday normal things? That I probably made a mistake because I was crying over how I want to be with my baby? That it hurts me so bad inside to be without David that I've prayed and asked God why he didn't take me with my son? Does she want to hear that without having a job how worthless I now feel over one mistake, how I have so much anxiety even leaving the house I don't know how I will get a job to help support my family?

My world is caving in...and all I want is my son...

P.S. I will now have to moderate my comments, since someone not brave enough to leave a name is leaving me messages I don't really care to even read. But to all the people who have supported me, thank you, thank you!


Anonymous said...

I hope and pray you can find another job hopefully one from home.

mamma2 said...

I was told by a friend that if you go to rapidtext.com you can make pretty good money. She said she thought the insurance part was the best. You have to buy a wave pedal and you can find them on ebay.

Michele said...

Sweetheart, I am so sorry. I just don't even know what to say. I know you've already talked to her, but perhaps talking to her again, telling her you've reread your blog entry and that she misunderstood? It seems awfully wrong to fire you over one mistake, especially seeing the last year you've head, namely the last few months. Does she have a supervisor that you can speak to?

Getting up and doing anything is such a struggle, Nikki. I know it is. Sometimes, I feel like I just cant do it anymore and I break down completely. Work isn't what it used to be for me and my heart just falls apart at times. Infant storytimes, like the one this morning, kill me. I wish that I had some words that would fix everything for both of us, but we know all that could possibly fix things is having our babies back.

I ask God why, too. I wish there was a reason. Although I dont think any reason would be good enough. A lifetime on earth is just a second in heaven. By the time they turn to look for us after being welcomed into God's kingdom, we will be there. On my worst days, that is the thought that I cling to. It's the only thing that gets me through the day.

I'm praying for you and hoping that God opens a new employment door for you if this one stays closed.

Sending hugs...

Lee Family said...

oh Sweety, I am very sorry about losing your job, I really hope you find another one and are able to stay home. Our prayers are with you.

Love Karen

carolyn q said...

I am really sorry that some can not understand what "Grief" does to a person. Just the fact that you were trying is good enough for me. Maybe because I have faced similar challenges after my daughter passed away and it seemed just getting out of bed/dressed was a chore.
I pray that God will see to your needs and you will be able to come out of this with a better job.
Also if that woman reads your blog. . shame on her, but Carma has a way of paying back.
Carolyn Quigley
President, IHH

mina said...

I am sorry that you are having to deal with so much right now. I pray that you can find an alternative job, I think keeping busy right now would probably be more therapeutic. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Brenna's Mom said...

I can not believe that your boss doesn't have at least a little compassion and understanding. You have been through a nightmare, it's hard to jump right back into the swing of things. Being fired is the last thing you need right now. I'm so sorry.

Vanessa said...

Oh bless your heart. I know you are having such a hard time the last thing you need to worry about is this. I just started working as a medical transcriptionist and I know how hard the job can be in general and on top of this your dealing with so much. So it's ONE mistake....why do they have to fire you over it?!?!?! Let me know if you are looking for work. I have a list of companies I applied for over the past month that I can email you.

Jake & Stephanie Ellinger said...

Wow, I can't believe that she did that to you. I have no idea how you carry on each day, let alone try to deal with everything else like this. Shame on her!

Thanks for your sweet comments to us about Nathan. My husband was touched that you cared when you have so much to deal with emotionally yourself right now. My mom lost my sister when she was an infant. I don't think there was ever a day that went by without Mom thinking about her or wishing that she were near. I believe though that the ones who've gone before us are watching us and helping us carry on in this life. I also believe that families are not separated by death and that you will be with your son again. What would be the point of life if we couldn't be with the ones we love forever?

We hope that you are able to find another job quickly and that you will be happy with it.

You are an amazing person. Don't let one mistake get to you!

Mami Adame said...

Hang in there, so many times I thought "Seriously Lord? You must have me mixed up with someone else! I can't handle anymore!"
I really do hope things start turning around for you. You and your family continue to be in my prayers.


Tina:0) said...

I'm so sorry to hear that your former boss was so lacking in compassion & understanding.

Praying for strength & peace to make it through...

Terri said...

Nikki,I pray Gods blessing upon you and your family, he will help you through it all.
Honey, here is a poem that I have had close to my heart.I hope that you get some peace with it...Terri, Karins mom


I’ll lend to you for a time a child of mine, “God said.
“For you to love the while he lives, and mourn for when he’s dead.
It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three:
But will you, till I call him home, take care of him for Me?
He’ll bring his charms to gladden you: and should he stay be brief,
You’ll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
I’ve looked the wide world over, in search for teacher’s true,
And from the throngs that crowd life’s lanes I have selected you.

Now will you give him all your love nor think the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to call, to take him back again?
I fancied that I heard you say, Dear Lord, Thy will be done,
For all the joy Thy child will bring the risk of grief we’ll run.

We’ll shelter him with tenderness, we’ll love him while we may
And for the happiness we have known forever grateful stay.
And should the angels call him much sooner than we’ve planned,
We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.”
Edgar A. Guest