The majority of time I cry and mourn is when Chris is at work. My devestation over the pain Chris goes through because our babies died kills me inside. No matter what anyone says I feel like I have this huge guilt, that I've put him through so much and caused him so much pain.
So if for no one else, I try and keep my crying away from Chris. When he see's me cry I see the sadness in his eyes and it makes me feel so low, so guilty. The days he is home from work I try my hardest not to think about everything, not to cry. I catch myself staring at the wall, or at the pictures of David, my mind just blank.
The days I'm home alone I always cry. I try and let it all out, but sometimes I feel like I'm just not crying enough. I need to let it all out, it still feels unreal.
As for the counseling, I found a foundation that does parent and child counseling and am going to be getting the info this week. I hope we qualify to go. I need help.